Connecting on Crucial Conversations

Pink heart flowersJoseph Grenny wrote a wonderful book called “Crucial Conversations”, and I agree with the authors who state that the ability to have those tough, and at times highly charged conversations, is one of the most important skills anyone can have both personally and professionally.

Having charged conversations has been an area I have worked on through the years and will continue to work on….forever=-) It does not come naturally to me which is why I appreciate books like “Crucial Conversations”.

Their definition of a Crucial Conversation is one where the “Opinions differ and Emotions and Stakes are high”. If you find yourself on the brink of a Crucial Conversation personally or professionally, their first success strategy is to “Start with Heart”. My interpretation of that is to take a moment to breathe, breathe into your own body and connect with that loving part of yourself, so you can come from love about yourself as well as come from love towards the other.

Think about what you appreciate about this person and what you are grateful for with regards to this relationship.

This is not always easy to do, but if you can take a moment to breath and connect with your heart and their heart before having the conversation, it most likely will go at least a little better than if you didn’t.

Laverty Life Links: Notice if you have a Crucial Conversation personally or professionally and if so, take a moment to “Start with Heart”. Notice how the conversation goes perhaps differently than if hadn’t connected with your heart first.

 

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Top 10 Ways to Destroy your Life using the Law of Repulsion=-)

Think about your past constantly.

Obsess about how you could have done things differently.

Tip of Glacier

Spend all day dreaming about your future.

Criticize and complain about your life.

Judge everyone.

Wish you could have someone else’s life.

 Believe that everything is someone else’s fault. Think you can get a new life by doing the same thing you have always done.

Blame your parents for your current life.

Wallow in self-pity for what God (or whomever) has done to you.

Laverty Life Links: Consider if you knowingly or unknowingly do any of these items which are truly self-abandoning and simply become aware of it when you do..and notice how you feel.

PS It was kind of funny bc i was looking at all of my pictures and images on file, and I don’t have anything to add to this blog…and I didn’t really want to add a picture to represent this bc often pictures are more viscerally impactful than words, so I wouldn’t want to add that to your consciousness nor mine!!!!  The iceberg represents many things to me and one of them is how something can appear small and almost innocuous on the surface, but deep down it is large and ominous…and that is how I think of some of these law of repulsion habits.  I did a.co class on this topic and one of my participants didn’t want to take this document home bc it was too negative–now that is someone who doesn’t let this stuff into her space=-)

 

Top 10 Ways to Harness the Laws of Attraction=-)

Consider yourself the luckiest person in the world no matter what is currently happening.

Love where you are in every moment.

Yellow tulips with one red one

Practice gratitude for all of your blessings.

Accept your past as the gift it was meant to be—to bring you to who you are now.

Forgive another for things you perceive were done to you knowing they only lead you to create the life you were meant to have.

Visualize how you want to feel, how you want to be and what you want to create.Bless people you meet throughout the day.

Surround yourself with people and things you love.

Create habits that support your health and happiness.

Be aware of your thoughts, feelings and desires.

Laverty Life Links:  Consider which one or two of the above ideas you are willing to take on this week to see how it affects your life and how you feel=-)

If you are going to tell a story, you may as well tell yourself a good one!

Moab red rocksWe all tell stories to ourselves…some stories we tell uplift and energize us and some stories bring us down about ourselves or others.   

As I told my client last week, if you are going to tell yourself a story, you may as well tell yourself a good one! Your story determines your attitude, your passion and your next steps=-)  I believe that each of us has strength areas in our lives (i.e. Relationships, Career, Family, Financial, Health, Spiritual etc.)  I also believe that each of us has ONE AREA that drives us bananas and most likely will continue to be somewhat challenging throughout our lives.  It is our growth and journey inducing arena=-)

Knowing that one area may continue to baffle and confound me helps me to accept, allow and be patient with myself in that arena. I am committed to “love myself anyway”=-) On the other hand, I have a goal to have the absolute best life possible, so I most likely will be working on and through that arena (for me it is romantic relationships) till the day I take my last breath=-) The questions below get to the heart of that journey and exploring your strength area stories, so you can begin to plant those stories into the more vulnerable areas.

Below is an excerpt of questions from my Harnessing the Laws of Attraction Dabble (www.dabble.co) class:

Please list the Top Strength Areas in your life:

Please list your Belief Systems in these areas:

Please list the Areas for Improvement in your life:

Please list your belief systems in these areas (the “Laws of Repulsion”=-):

Please list your newly created belief systems for your focus areas:

How are you going to plant and practice these new belief systems?

Laverty Life Links: Think of the stories that you tell that energize you and tell those more OFTEN!=-)  Now think of stories you tell that bring your energy down—consider if you can shift that story to a better one. Perhaps you can map on one of your energizing stories onto the more “draining one”.  If you would like the worksheet on this, feel free to let me know and I will email it to you! =-)

 

A Divine Interaction with a Street Wise Man Named Percy

There is man who I guess I have always thought of as a “homeless” man, but better said he is a Street Wise vendor (sells papers here in Chicago for money–it is a respectable way to make money to get off the streets).  I normally do not buy the magazine and actually normally do not give money to homeless people.  I tend to give money to the people who are playing an instrument or doing something I want to support.  This man has always been the exception.  He has an AURA about him…..it can only be described as the law of attraction in action!

He is GENUINELY and authentically glowing from the inside out….he wishes everyone a good day, he has something pithy to say each time I have crossed his path, and I am not alone. Everyone who goes to this bookstore regularly knows Percy, and there is a friendly banter between Percy and the world.  I am DRAWN to give him money each time I pass.  Sometimes I think, well not today, but then I pass and return to give him something=-) Like a MAGNET!!!

So, I realized I wanted to talk to him and find out WHAT MAKES HIM TICK!?  It was a cold and snowy day in Chicago, and I was going to pass the opportunity up for fear I was being intrusive, but again, I turned around and just asked him if he was willing to chat.  He was….

We chatted for about 10 minutes, and I found out about his story and his perspective on life.  This is a man who embodies the Laws of Attraction—he believes “kindness begets kindness” and that the more you give from the heart the more you receive.  He is very heart centered and calm and grounded while also having no expectations or “neediness” (one might say detached in the Buddhist way).

I can tell you in the less than 10 minutes we were chatting, he made more per minute than most people I know=-) His Under Armour gloves and coat were of a higher quality than the one I was wearing that day=-))) This is a man who is doing well internally and externally, and his authentic kindness is serving him well. I plan to notice when I am heart centered and when I am more mind centered and how that feels….as well as how attractive I am in either case=-) I will also say that he left the interaction happy we connected and planned to write an article for Street Wise about our interaction as well!  I will have to check that out—he said for late January.

Laverty Life Links:  What part of this story most resonates with you?  Perhaps journal about it or share it and discuss what piece of this you would like to take into your heart and practice.

My Snowy, Slushy, Shoe Sole Story

Bear with me here a moment…..(or is it bare?)—this really does relate to the law of attraction, but we just need to build the story first.  So I have a nice pair of winter boots that I let my ever growing daughter borrow (she is 9 and is outpacing me in every way, but that is another story). The sole of the boot came off at her school for unknown reasons. I bought Shoe Goo and fixed the boot and wore it during a heavy snow day a couple of weeks ago.  (This is really going somewhere if anyone is still reading=-)

Everything was going well, until the last mile and the sole started flopping around in the snow packed streets of Chicago, and then into Trader Joes where I needed to shop (this was slightly embarrassing even for a Laverty=-).  So I was half dragging and half shuffling my way with this broken shoe (sorry Shoe Goo Company).  I finally arrived home safely.

The next day my ankle started hurting, and I couldn’t figure out what had happened (I thought back to my workout the previous day). Then I realized, my one mile of shuffling created some internal damage to my ankle and foot!!!!!  I mean it hurt for SIX DAYS!   It got me to thinking about the Laws of Attraction (which almost everything does as you can see from these blog stories).  I was thinking about how sometimes I will have negative thought patterns or let my monkey mind take over my life for the moment…and then I was asking myself what kind of INTERNAL damage am I doing to my body and spirit as a result!!!!!????  I believe in the mind body connection and what Deepak Chopra writes about, and somehow my little shoe experience made it all the more real for me. 

Personally, I am going to do my best to focus on the positive, on what I want, on what is good and what I like about someone as much as possible….along with making sure I have good boots for my winter adventures=-)

Laverty Life Links:  Consider where you may be dragging around a broken shoe in your mind and life and how you can shift that thought or pattern towards something whole, complete and affirmative.  We all have rough moments or days to be sure, it seems to me that some of mine are wholly self-created and not really necessary at all=-)

 

If you Build it, They will Come….

I have gone to a weekly support group to clear out the gunk for the last 14 years…actually I started right around Valentine’s Day 2000=-) Happy Love Day to myself….Something happened last month at the group that highlighted an aspect of the Law of Attraction that I wanted to share! 

We normally meet in a conference room that fits 10 people around the table, and normally there are about 5-6 people there each week, give or take a few=-) About a month ago, we had to be relocated to a different room that was more of a seminar room and would fit 25 comfortably around the table.  On that day, 20 people came to the meeting. We have NEVER in the 14 years that I have been going had 20 people come to a meeting before!!!!! 

For me, it was just so cool bc it reminded me of the phrase “if you build it they will come”…and that day energetically and physically our group was saying we have PLENTY of room, feel free to come….and somehow the people in the universe heard the call and came.  Oddly enough, the next week we were back in our normal room, and we are back to the normal 5-6 people per meeting=-)

For me this story makes me think and feel deeply about the space I am leaving in my heart and in my life for the great things I want to attract.  I am open this year to more space in my heart and life for love and for peace=-) If you are interested in learning more about the group, let me know! It is public and free=-)

Laverty Life Link:  Where in your life do you want to have more space in this moment?  How do you plan to achieve that?  Feel free to journal and share about your vision of 2014 and beyond! You never know what will happen if you build it……they/it might come=-)